Going to be a long day...

I've been awake all night and I'd like to stay awake today so maybe I can sleep tonight.

My mind is loud with confusion and sadness. I pray and pray and I know that God will answer in his own time. I feel like I'm swimming in jello...sweet but sticky. The stickyness holds all my feelings that are so hard to let out. Crying doesn't come easy....it would be such a relief. I listen to sad songs trying to make myself cry but it never works.

Yeah, I know this is depressing but it's my life and I'm going to write about it to help release my emotions the best i can.

Until next time...

5am....

So, it's 5am and I haven't slept. I have gotten alot of cleaning done though which I'm happy about. I simply can't sit still. I have fibromyalgia and I have to take breaks often but I still got alot accomplished :) Kaleb (my step-son) will be getting up at 6:15 to get ready for school. I like helping him get ready for school but it still makes me miss Keith(my son). My profile pic was taken when Keith was 11. He's now 15 and won't speak to me. I don't sleep well anymore due to this.

We were so close. I raised him by myself for 5 years and we did everything together. It angers me that I got sick and I had to send him away. I can manage the Bipolar but the PTSD is what gets me. I don't want to talk anymore right now....