Cancer...

I have recently found that my best friend since we were 13 has uterine cancer. She wants to have a baby so bad and has refused a hysterectomy for now. She is taking medication to kill the cancer cells. She goes back for another D&C in a few weeks. If the cancer is still present, she will have the hysterectomy.

I'm really worried for her. I researched uterine cancer...she has stage 1 but there is a danger with that. There are microscopic cells that tests can still not detect, therefore the cancer could spread to other organs, mainly the lymph nodes surrounding the uterus. But they are also known to spread to the lungs and brain. Plus there is a high risk of recurrence.

I'm praying my heart out for her.

If you read this, please say a prayer for her.

Thank you.

Going to be a long day...

I've been awake all night and I'd like to stay awake today so maybe I can sleep tonight.

My mind is loud with confusion and sadness. I pray and pray and I know that God will answer in his own time. I feel like I'm swimming in jello...sweet but sticky. The stickyness holds all my feelings that are so hard to let out. Crying doesn't come easy....it would be such a relief. I listen to sad songs trying to make myself cry but it never works.

Yeah, I know this is depressing but it's my life and I'm going to write about it to help release my emotions the best i can.

Until next time...

Isabella by Dia Frampton (with lyrics!)

Picture of My Son

This is my Keith...

He is so precious to me. I want him to talk to me! I don't understand how you forgive someone for being gay. There is nothing to forgive. But I guess he thinks there is. We have stayed very close through the years even though he is far away. I never thought a day would come that he wouldn't speak to me...

Info On PTSD...it's no fun...

Symptoms of PTSD often are grouped into three main categories, including:

• Reliving: People with PTSD repeatedly relive the ordeal through thoughts and memories of the trauma. These may include flashbacks, hallucinations, and nightmares. They also may feel great distress when certain things remind them of the trauma, such as the anniversary date of the event.
• Avoiding: The person may avoid people, places, thoughts, or situations that may remind him or her of the trauma. This can lead to feelings of detachment and isolation from family and friends, as well as a loss of interest in activities that the person once enjoyed.
• Increased arousal: These include excessive emotions; problems relating to others, including feeling or showing affection; difficulty falling or staying asleep; irritability; outbursts of anger; difficulty concentrating; and being "jumpy" or easily startled. The person may also suffer physical symptoms, such as increased blood pressure and heart rate, rapid breathing, muscle tension, and nausea.

PTSD is often associated with veterans but can happen with any tramatic event, especially during childhood, and will increase if the abuse is long term.

5am....

So, it's 5am and I haven't slept. I have gotten alot of cleaning done though which I'm happy about. I simply can't sit still. I have fibromyalgia and I have to take breaks often but I still got alot accomplished :) Kaleb (my step-son) will be getting up at 6:15 to get ready for school. I like helping him get ready for school but it still makes me miss Keith(my son). My profile pic was taken when Keith was 11. He's now 15 and won't speak to me. I don't sleep well anymore due to this.

We were so close. I raised him by myself for 5 years and we did everything together. It angers me that I got sick and I had to send him away. I can manage the Bipolar but the PTSD is what gets me. I don't want to talk anymore right now....

How do I find blogs in English? I keep finding Spanish..Help?

I keep searching blogs and only find ones in Spanish. It's irritating. I've researched but can't find an answer. Please reply if you know how to find English!! Thank you! I'm really new to this.